Holiday gatherings have the potential to be memorable in many ways - not all of them good.
2020 is calling for us to be more authentic and to speak up, but it looks like that initiative is starting a week early. There has been a palpable energetic shift, collectively and individually toward opening up our hearts and our mouths. I’m not talking about the vicious noise that permeates our world these days. I’m talking about the need to set boundaries and honor the quiet voice within you that has had enough of your sister’s narcissistic behavior or your father’s digs about falling short of material goals. We grow so much in our adult lives but return to the inner child when seated at the holiday table with our family of origin. Why is that? Patterns. Behavioral patterns are strongest with those we’ve known the longest. We unconsciously fulfill the roles we signed up to play so long ago even though we want to break out of them.
“It’s not worth it,” you say. “I’ll have a few drinks and wait for the time to tick by.” I know that drill. I’ve done it many times. But something feels different this year. I feel like if I do that again, I am dishonoring myself somehow. By sucking up someone else’s shitty behavior, I am saying to the Universe, their wounded ego is more important than my boundaries. My silence is support of their crap. I’ve used the line “they can’t handle the honesty.” And that’s probably true but that’s not the reason for silence. Rocking the boat takes effort on my part, effort I haven’t wanted to give but now it feels required, like breathing.
I understand it’s not cool to unleash 40 years of pent up pain either. How fair is it to bring up crap from 40 years ago? The best any of us can do is to remain present when the all too familiar comments come out. And possibly express our discontent with calm, unwavering delivery. Good luck with that. I'm right there with ya.
Astrologers are calling for volcanic eruptions this next month or so due to some very rare planetary alignments. I see these volcanoes more as metaphors, eruptions that have been waiting to unleash. But it's an invitation for mindfulness as well. If we maintain awareness and chose differently, we have real possibility for shift. And our relationships can evolve out of old patterns.
We are the product of our choices and if we set boundaries and respect all involved, we might just get through the holidays and enjoy it.
Happy Solstice everyone!!